Life's A Scream

I've been having such a weird feeling week. My emotions have been totally all over the show, one second i'm fine and the next i'm feeling all distant and introverted. Honestly don't have a clue why. Anyway following my new rules set in my last post I am making myself do things that the old Becci would find really nerve wrecking. For example recently i've been trying to sort out my payments for my new flat that i've just started renting, moving in next month. But i've been having loads of problems with my bank and standing orders and so on. Anyway i've been putting off phoning them for weeks but today I woke up this morning and thought, right Becci, stop being so silly and just phone them. So I did. And i've finally got it all sorted, the first payment is all paid and now I can relax and look forward to picking up my keys any time after the 1st of September. Thumbs up. I know it sounds silly, but I always become some kind of quivering wreck whenever I need to contact anyone involving money or important issues. I have like zero confidence in the fact that I'm actually capable of sorting something out. It's stupid I know.

To be honest I don't understand myself, I'm so confident in certain aspects of my life, for example social issues, acting, being on stage, meeting new people, I handle all of that with no problem what so ever, it comes easily to me. But I seem to have no confidence when it comes to myself as a person, I never think i'm good enough, pretty enough, clever enough. I think I hide behind my bubbly drama student front. It's only really ever my parents that see how self concious I really can be. Mums been ranting at me about it for years.